Age: 78.

Appearance: formerly, a raven-haired, violet-eyed siren; latterly, an old woman trapped under a heap of jewellery.

Oh, yeah. She was friends with Michael Jackson or something, wasn't she? Yes, she was. But Dame Elizabeth Taylor was also a child star, a legendary Hollywood actress who gave Oscar-winning performances in Butterfield 8 and Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf, and a deeply enthusiastic proponent of old-fashioned marriage.

Who did she marry? Anyone famous? Conrad Hilton, Michael Wilding, Michael Todd, Eddie Fisher . . .

Wow . . . Richard Burton (twice), Senator John Warner, Larry Fortensky . . .

Whoa. What's she been up to lately? It is rumoured that she has recently got engaged for the ninth time.

To whom? To Jason Winters, a 49-year-old Hollywood talent manager.

What's he like, apart from much, much younger? "One of the most wonderful men I have ever known," says Taylor. "That's why I love him."

Marvellous. Is the feeling, erm, mutual? "It's no secret that they have been together for ever and are in love," a source told USMagazine.com, "so it wouldn't be a surprise if they were engaged. Right now they are keeping it between them." Taylor's agent did not deny the reports.

That's good enough for me. But this same rumour cropped up three years ago, and nothing came of it then. There is also a rumour that Dame Elizabeth is anxious to drum up some publicity before launching a comeback.

Now I don't know what to believe. Tell me something that's both interesting and true. If Taylor goes for it this time, she'll match Zsa Zsa Gabor's nine-marriage streak. They both married and divorced hotel baron Conrad Hilton.

They were bound to overlap at some stage. Yes, it was more or less inevitable.

Do say: "Stranger things have happened. The heart wants what the heart wants."

Don't say: "Jason, mate – can I have a quick word?"